ampersand

Lately…

The last week has been kind of turbulent. More shake-ups at work have made me finally realize that this is probably not the place where I’ll get great opportunities and a promotion and build my career. Which makes me sad.

Thinking about moving on brings up other questions and gut feelings I’ve been having lately. I can’t help but figure (thanks Oprah and your array of doctors) that my migraine-filled 2008 is my body trying to tell me something, probably that I should be trying to live my dream. That is, being a working TV writer on one of the many shows I love and hold dear (current dream job: coming up with Internet ideas and/or writing for How I Met Your Mother. Seriously, that show is basically my life. I am Ted. Ask my friends). But, I can’t figure out how to do that. Hell, I spent three years trying to figure that out with no luck. My main stumbling block is, of course, the not being legal to work in the U.S. And, of course, I haven’t written any spec scripts in the past few years. So, that should be my first step. And I better get to it fast. There are some rapidly approaching deadlines for workshops and stuff coming up!

Also, I’ve been catching a lot of Roseanne reruns lately. That show was SOLID. Every episode, so good (yes, obviously I’m ignoring the final season. Which was still better than a lot of shows on today. Two and a Half Men, I’m looking at you).

Oh! The online dating thing. If I were to choose one word to describe how that’s going, it would be “meh”. Though, as I type that, I’m hearing Robin Williams’ speech to Matt Damon about dating from Good Will Hunting in my head. I’m choosing to believe that I watch too many movies, not that I need to be more open-minded. I’m not going to settle for someone I don’t think is right for me just because I’m sick of being alone.

And, that’s all I got for now. I need to go do some writing, obviously!

iPod Roulette

Why not take a break from writing about boys and TV shows and show the world just how embarrassing my music collection is? Sounds like a fantastic idea to me! So, here goes. You know how to do it. Put ye olde iPod on shuffle and list the first ten songs. No lying. So, here goes:

1. As I Wind Down The Pines : The Tragically Hip
   From the Music@Work record, one I believe I didn’t listen to more than a handful of times. Also, I feel like I’ve heard that phrase numerous times before, but google only returns references to the song.
2. Son of Your Father: Elton John
   From the Tumbleweed Connection, a treasure trove of an album from which many a motion picture soundtrack has pilfered. Not my favorite from the record though.
3. Over at the Frankenstein Place: Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast
   Gives a whole new meaning to any port in a storm, I guess. To oddly sexy results.
4. Diplo Rhythm: Diplo
   I’m pretty sure that this was the song that Sandra Oh danced to while brushing her teeth in front of Burke back in the Grey’s Anatomy heyday.
5. Nobody Does it Better: Brittany Murphy
   Oh yeah. Here comes the humiliation.  From the Little Black Book soundtrack. Bad movie. But for some reason, I’m a sucker for cheesy rom coms that feature Carly Simon songs (see also How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days). And, I’ll admit it. I sing Carly’s songs sometimes when I’m alone in my apartment too. So there. Shut up.
6. Bull in a China Shop: Barenaked Ladies
   From “Barenaked Ladies are Me”. I’ll be honest, I haven’t really felt most of their music since Maroon. Stunt was the last album where I was at least 90% along for the ride. Though, you know what? Most of the time I feel like a bull in a china shop.
7. ‘s Wonderful: Ella Fitzgerald
   I don’t really dig on this song all that much. It reminds me, however, of the episode of Gilmore Girls where Emily got arrested.
8. Do Wah Diddy Diddy: Manfred Mann
   This is one of the earliest songs I remember hearing. Something about the melody of it makes me think of summer time and what it feels like to fall in love.
9. Everything’s Ruined: Fountains of Wayne
   Pretty sure I’ve not listened to this whole song. The intro reminds me of “Leggy Blonde” by Flight of the Conchords. Can’t really get into FoW. Meh.
10. Freak on a Leash: Korn
    I bought this CD for $3. This song was quite popular when I was in my first year of uni. I remember the video being cool. No. The video for it was a cartoon. What was the one with the bullet? No, it WAS the one with the bullet. And the cartoon. My mind isn’t fully going. Phew. The only other thing I really remember about Korn was that the lead singer played the bagpipes.

And that’s all I got for now. I think I need some dinner. Maybe that’ll ease the headache.

I have been remiss, good sir.

Well, at least I’m AWARE how little I’ve been blogging. Well, I have been microblogging over at Twitter, and one day, I’ll even figure out how to get a little feed on this site that displays proof of that fact. [editor's note: Oh look, I did it! See sidebar!]

Life has been busy lately, and when it hasn’t been busy, I’ve been dutifully focused on NOT doing any navel-gazing. Why? Because it’s just too easy for me to start overthinking everything. But, a laundry list of things I’ve been up to:

Attempting online dating, to middling results. Maybe not even anything as good as middling. Yet.

Playing softball

Blowing off soccer

Working, did I mention working

Planning vacations (and even taking a mini-one to New York!)

exorcism

At least for now, thanks to a short, unanswered e-mail, it seems that the haunting is over.

Thank God.

Now if only the migraines would stop, life would be golden. Or at least bronze.

ghost town

This kind of thing happens a lot. I’ll think about a movie or a TV show, and bam! The episode or movie is on the air within a couple of days. It’s sort of like having my own OnDemand system. And, it’s happening right now.

Of course, last week was the estrogen-a-go-go that was the premiere of the Sex and the City movie. I was one of the hordes there on opening night, though unlike the women who stumbled into the theatre in their too-tall shoes and too-short skirts, I was not dressed in my halloween-costume version of any of Carrie’s hit (or miss) outfits.

Anyway, the movie had some major flaws, but it also had a lot of the heart I loved about the series. I cried. A lot. Which shouldn’t be surprising, considering how much I LOVE the show. But, the movie also got me thinking.

Watching Carrie and Big’s life unfold once more (only this time, on a ginormous screen), I couldn’t help but wonder: is the man I’ve been trying to forget for the past month going to turn out to be my Big? Despite being a neurotic writer, I’ve never fancied myself to be a Carrie Bradshaw-type. Truth be told, I am a dyed-in-the-wool Miranda Hobbes, including often missing the boat, fashion-wise. I hope to get it together at some point, just like she did.

Anyway, back to the Carrie/Big analogy. It’s mostly a case of me going through weeks and months of trying to forget him, to ignore him, to move on to someone who will pay attention to me all the time, not just when it’s convenient for him. Or, more accurately, when he somehow senses that I’m nearly free of the inescapable tethers that keep me tied to him, back he comes and I once again find myself incapable of getting him out of my system.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be romanticizing it by comparing him to the presence that is Chris Noth’s character, and should really start to consider this man to be the romantic equivalent of a urinary tract infection, always popping up when you think you’re finally rid of them for good.

I was doing pretty well with the forgetting. Or, as well as can be expected for a girl who chronically overthinks basically everything. And then, people started talking about him, and one of the nicknames I have for him came up in a completely unrelated conversation. He was haunting me, and I haven’t even seen him in a couple weeks.

Home, alone with only the bunny and my thoughts, the haunting started to take full effect. The thoughts, the wondering, the thinking wishful thoughts. And it continued after I fell asleep. Tossing, turning and fitful REM cycles were augmented by dreams that I don’t even remember, except for him. Always him. I woke up at 4. And 5. And finally gave up going back to sleep at 6, when I was haunted by thoughts of him in full consciousness.

And so, I went through my day, trying to banish him to the cobwebby nooks and crannies of my brain. You know, where grade 9 math hides. And everything from that philosophy class I took in first year. It was mostly successful. Then I got home and found that Sex and the City was on. Which episode? Ghost Town (yes, I’m uncreative and stole the episode title for the title of this post. What of it?), where Carrie is haunted by the ghost of her past with Aidan, Miranda is haunted by her past with Steve (and quite possibly an actual spectre), Samantha is haunted by her past with men, and Charlotte can’t get rid of her mother-in-law.

So, of course, I’m right back to being haunted. Contacting him seems like a bad, masochistic situation, though not all that different from where I am right now. Throwing myself into other pursuits will be the plan for the weekend, but I feel like it’ll only be a matter of time before I get right back here again.

To quote another single in the big city fictional writer-type: Blergh.