ampersand

Anticipation.

Like I wrote on my old blog, before I mistakenly deleted it, I’m addicted to possibility. Things that are on the cusp of happening, things that could happen, that might just be around the corner.

Of course, that often means that I’ve broken up with someone before we’ve even gone on a first date. And so, I’m trying to get past this addiction. It’s gonna be a long road — after years of pushing down my instincts, of letting the fear win, I don’t know how I’ll be able to start doing the opposite. I just know that it has to be done.

stacy and clinton are so right!

The other day, I went shopping. For some reason, I decided that finding some new spring clothes would somehow trigger something in nature and all the snow would go the crap away already. That didn’t work, but having cute new outfits certainly had an effect on my self-esteem.

The What Not to Wear gang totally have it right. When you feel good about how you look, you feel good about everything. Period. you walk taller, feel hotter, are more open to things, all of that stuff we usually think is crap. But it’s so not.

It’s gonna be hard not to go on another shopping spree this weekend. Because I am a serious fan of looking cute.

do you remember

what it’s like to smile in spite of yourself, when you feel so incredibly giddy that you can’t even control the way it’s splashed across your face? How about when other people call you out for looking like a ridiculous, grinning fool, especially since you usually wear an expression bordering on a scowl? That’s how I feel right now. I missed it, and hope it continues.

It can't rain all the time.

How can they show The Crow on a broadcast network? Like, seriously, how much is going to be edited out? It has to be said, though, that I do enjoy the random words and phrases they come up with to loop in over the swears. That job would ROCK.

And so far, I can’t really remember what I loved about this movie way back in grade 9. Oh right, it’s because Brandon Lee was hot. And, I love a good tale of revenge. That’s gotta be the Scorpio in me. I’m a huge fan of vengeance. Also, the soundtrack kicks serious ass. I think loving this movie is as close to being goth as I will ever get. Which isn’t really that close.

Another question raised by The Crow (other than Bai Ling’s continuing career) is how people don’t know about Devil’s Night.  Like, I’m not from Detroit, but every kid I know took part in some kind of Devil’s Night hijinks while growing up. And I didn’t know for years that it was such a Detroit-based phenomenon. Weird.

This week in music.

OK, I’m like the last person in the world to jump on the Wilco train, but here I am. One (super-early) morning at work, I threw on the Sky Blue Sky album, which I loved. Especially “Either Way”.  It makes me feel comfortable, like the songs that crackled through the AM radio on long car trips when I was a kid. But it also feels new and fresh.

The lyrics are also incredibly applicable to my life. And that always earns any song huge bonus points.

I’ve also recently rounded out my Thrush Hermit collection (have I ever mentioned that I heart Joel Plaskett? Because I so do, because of one eerie afternoon in cottage country with a couple of friends who are a couple. We were escaping cabin fever in an SUV, headed at a high speed down a country road. Randomly, talking about cell phones. And, it just so happened we were listening to Truthfully, Truth Fully. And “Extraordinary” came on.

In case you’ve never heard  the song, let me recap a verse:

I was doing 140 in my SUV,
Cruising with my girl,
It was twenty past three,
I was talking about changing my cell phone plan,
When my girl says “Baby you’re a boy you’re not a man,”

And from that serendipitous May 2-4 Sunday on, I’ve been enamored of Joel Plaskett and his Emergency.

And and? How did I not know until yesterday that there’s a band called The Superfantastics? Because that is pretty much the best band name ever, and they have great songs. I have to go buy their CDs. Like right now.

things i don't understand.

why I’m awake, watching Halloween when I’m freaking exhausted.

why I didn’t get groceries the other day when I had access to a car.

why I didn’t have more dinner than that mound of chicken balls at the bar. I’m HONGRY.

how do i love thee, let me count the ways…

Television and its blue flickering light have captivated me at least since birth. Most of my early memories involve TV. Whether it was watching nature shows with my family, getting the huge wooden console TV that I grew up in front of, or waking up from a nap at age three and coming downstairs to the basement to discover that we had premium cable. You think I don’t remember this stuff, but this love affair is so strong that these images are burned on my brain.

I loved television shows with an almost religious fervor. While I went to school during the week to learn my ABCs, 123s, and how to be a good little Catholic, my true altar was the TV. Whether it was the first days of MuchMusic or reruns or cartoons or even sports, I was completely head over heels.

It’s a love affair that has continued throughout my life. Sure, it’s a little odd that one of my most enduring relationships is with a household appliance, but at this point, I’m too far gone to care. And, the love has become a passion. I mean, come on, I have a degree in television production for god’s sake. And my ultimate dream job is to become the executive producer of my own television series. I’m just not sure how I’ll get there.

Nothing can make me happier, giddier (in a certain way) than waiting for the next episode of my favorite show. I know a lot of people get frustrated waiting for that in the age of the PVR and DVD, but there’s something about that anticipation. Carly Simon totally had it when she sang about “thinkin’ about how right tonight might be.”

Television has somehow worked its way under my skin. Very few things (and people) manage to do that. So, something has to be done. Expect many more posts about television I have loved.

March is the new January.

After a minor freakout, I’ve decided that the deletion of my old blog could be just the thing I need. Well, really it’s a combination of things. After a rough start to 2008, it feels like a new year. And here’s why:
1: Blog deletion. All the whining I used to do about boys and work and whatever are now gone.

2: Lack of migraines: I feel like I’ve gotten an eleventh-hour reprieve from the governor.

3: I’m beginning to let my guard down. I shared a secret with some friends today that very few people in my life know about. And it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I even cried. In public. But, you know what? Even though I’m still kind of freaking out about letting my guard down, it feels like a burden has been lifted. And that kind of liberation is cool.

So, we’ll see what happens for the rest of this year. It’s time for me to not be so hard on myself, to cut myself some slack, and to not think so damn much. It’s gonna be a struggle, it’s gonna be hard. Especially because thinking (or overthinking) is what I do best. But I can do this.

Baby steps, kid. Baby steps. And here’s the first one.

Don't blog while exhausted. (or, D'oh!)

It can end up with you mistakenly deleting your blog database and losing three years of entries. ROCK ON.

So, turning over a new leaf. We’ll see what happens here.